The Immigrant Diaries series is curation of real life stories of real immigrants sharing their unique experiences as they navigate their Canadian immigrant journey. Names have been changed to maintain anonymity of some of the storytellers.
I’m a single woman in my early thirties. I have to admit that moving to Canada was one of the best decisions I ever made. I was also lucky to have most things like a job in my field, great friends and people I can call family align for me a few months after I landed. After about six months, I really wanted to get back into a relationship. The dating scene in Canada is however very different from my home country Nigeria. Cultures and beliefs are so diverse and you don’t bump into Mr. Right at the isle of a shopping mall like the movies make you believe. I decided to heed my mother’s resounding voice about putting myself out there and joined an online dating site. I spent more time swiping left. Even the dating site wasn’t a walk in the park. I had had a few first dates that ended after the first date because of very diverse beliefs and values.
I eventually met Efe who seemed like a gentleman and we had similar opinions about many things. He told me he was a permanent resident and had been in Canada for over five years. He said he was a manager in a Nigerian bank before moving to Canada. We went on a first date and it went okay. He was always offering advice on how I needed to be careful about people using me in Canada. I had no idea what he was talking about but I obliged him. He soon started asking questions about how much my job paid which took me aback…I was evasive and didn’t give him a direct answer. After our second date, he started talking about us having a future together, buying a house together and basically building a life together. Those seemed like red flags to me and he was moving too fast. He noticed my discomfort and turned it a notch down. He soon started inviting me to his house, painting pictures of how we could spend the day together and I could even sleepover. I kept turning down his requests, told him I needed to get to know him more. We went on a few more dates and I decided to meet him halfway. We settled for a weekend daytime visit with no sleepover.
On a Saturday afternoon, I went to visit Efe. He was cooking when I got there. We both ate and began watching TV. Few minutes into the show, he got all handsy and started trying to grope me and I told him I was not game. He tried a few more times and when he realised I wouldn’t budge, he said he was going to take a shower. After his shower, he casually strolled out nude from the bathroom. At that point, I knew it was time to take my leave. He got upset that I was being “childish” and decided to leave instead. He said he just accepted an Uber trip within the area and would be back shortly and we could talk. As soon as he stepped out, I was going to take my leave as well. While trying to grab my phone, I picked up another phone on the couch I thought was mine. I soon realised it wasn’t my phone but a second phone Efe had. A message notification popped up on his phone with a concerning message. Everything about this guy seemed off and my instincts are hardly wrong. It was time to find out. I opened the Whatsapp message and I was hooked on a long chat Efe was having with a lady in Nigeria. She had complained about how a lady in Canada had called her claiming she had a child for him. His response was him convincing her he still had everything under control and there was a new girl (me) he was working that will yield results soon. There were also several pictures of the lady he was chatting with all over his phone. The gist is that Efe had no papers in Canada and has a wife in Nigeria. His game plan was to marry a citizen or permanent resident for papers. He had already tried it with a lady here and got her pregnant but she called things off when she found out he had a wife in Nigeria.
There was also another WhatsApp chat with a guy where the guy repeatedly told Efe to hurry up and seal things with me. I was shocked! I took pictures of the chat and picked up my bag to leave. I met Efe on my way out and he insisted on dropping me off at home. I smiled like I hadn’t just read an entire Nollywood script on his phone and told him he could drop me off. On our way to mine, he kept asking if I would like to get married in Nigeria or in Canada. I tried my best to keep calm and not give away the fact that I knew so much. I told him my wedding would definitely be in Nigeria when that happens. He said I could consider having a civic wedding in Canada before Nigeria. We arrived at mine, I said my goodbyes and went into my house. As soon as I got in, I sent him a message telling him I didn’t want us to see each other anymore because I’m not ready for a relationship. I gave him the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech. He didn’t take it well but I couldn’t be bothered.
Fast forward to one year ago, I met Dare, a Nigerian guy who worked in another office in my office complex. He also came to Canada as a permanent resident. We became friends because we always had similar gist to trade about Nigeria and navigating this Canada life. On one of the days I bumped into Dare during my lunch break, we were having a conversation and catching up. He mentioned how he went out with a friend and found himself in the company of some other Nigerian guys without papers who were trading stories about their progress in dating women who were citizens or permanent residents for papers. Dare said as soon as they realised he was a permanent resident, one of the guys got particularly close to him during the hangout and said he wanted to introduce him to a certain lady who just landed in Canada. He even sent Dare a picture of the lady. For some reason, everything Dare was telling me reminded me about Efe. I asked him to describe the guy he was referring to. The description matched Efe’s exact description. Dare then went ahead to show me the lady’s picture and behold, it was the picture of Efe’s wife! I brought Dare up to speed on who Efe was and my experience with him. I told him Efe was trying to hook him up with his wife for papers. Dare was dumbfounded. I believe saving Dare from the mess he was about walking into was my purpose in his life because we haven’t bumped into each other since that day.
